I really truly love the spring. And the summer. And I guess fall and winter too. But especially spring. It's warm and it is beautiful. The sky is blue and the grass is green and there are tiny little white flowers popping up everywhere! The jonquils are blooming in the most random locations, in cracks in the sidewalks, as well as scattered around the yards.
I went outside yesterday and laid in the grass for 2 hours in my backyard. I read a book for a while, and then I laid on my stomach and I looked at the stuff on the ground. Teeny tiny little insects--ants too small to even determine if they were fully intact, with all their legs, and little flitting bugs that would be stationary one second, and reappear a foot away a second later, without seeming to actually fly. I closely inspected a clover flower, and looked at each of the tiny little petals, each one perfect and small. There were violets on the other side of the sidewalk, but in the grass next to me was a scattering of blue flowers that I couldn't identify; they were about the size of a single letter on the screen.
I love it, I love it! Everything is blooming and everything seems to be happy. I am wearing less clothing, I have new shorts and new dresses, and a new bathing suit. Everything is coming back to life after the winter and I feel the same way. I feel like I am waking up and am alive again, I care about things again and I am excited about my life and my future. I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I'm not scared--I am excited. I don't have to do anything, I can do whatever I wish. My life is only just beginning! And I think the rest of my life will be a huge adventure. I am reading this book called THE MAP OF LOVE and I love it. I want to move to Egypt and just exist. I want to go somewhere exotic and completely alien to me, and absorb all that I can. I want to learn another language and I want to live with other people.
I want to go play outside, run around the yard and play barefoot. There is a man mowing the grass, though, so maybe I should wait until he is done. What a spectacular day!
I don't know why I'm in such a good mood! Is it just because of the spring-ness of today? Or is it more? Does it matter?
- Current Mood:elated
in other news, i am going to be a hair model in a real fashion show in june (i am missing the may one bc i'll be on my CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE, but i am totally okay with that.) and it looks like i may be paid actual money to be a hair model which is pretty sweet.
apparently i cannot do all my laundry at the same time, bc then i do not have enough hangers to hang up all my stuff. i either own too much clothes, or not enough hangers.
Yet MORE things to add to my massive depression, right?
- Current Mood: crushed
we don't know what's going to happen, only time will tell. she is 85 though and they don't think she will make a full recovery.
i'm sad and i'm scared.
Matthew's birthday was Friday and then Saturday I drove 270 miles to go to Jamie's engagement party, then Sunday I drove all the way back--less than 24 hours in the mountains. Sheesh. Will write more about my adventures later.